But for the Grace of God

While we were talking with some friends last night, I realized a few things. First, that I hadn't a clue how many times he'd deployed or how close to not being here he'd come. I've known for some time that I am getting spoiled. I've had my husband with me for over two years. We've never been apart for more than two months at a time. I'm going to get to keep him with me for another two years. By the time he deploys for the very first time, our daughter will be 3, we will have been married for over 4 years, and I won't know what to do with myself.

That being said, I know I can handle it. I'm a big girl. I am a Marine Wife. While some say that 'you married into this life, don't complain about things you knew would happen', it IS hard. I knew when I married him that there would be times apart. I knew that I would have to adjust to being away from my family and everyone I knew. I knew I'd have to adjust to moves. That doesn't make it any easier. The knowing and the reality are two different things. There are women who can't handle this life. It does take a special breed of woman to be a military wife. Some can't even handle the thought of their husband being away for a few weeks at a time, much less months at a time. I know it's going to be hard and I certainly don't look forward to it, but I know I can handle it.

As I told my husband, no matter how much it hurts to let him go, and no matter how much I'll be worried about him every minute he's gone, I wouldn't trade this life for anything. I wouldn't trade being his wife and being apart for a deployment, for being someone else's and having them there always. There is NOTHING that could make me change my mind about our life. I love every minute. I am so very very blessed to have my husband. I love him more than I ever could have imagined.

The life of a military wife is not easy. It is not always fun. It's full of moves, deployments, goodbyes, making new friends every few years, and missing someone at nearly every turn in life. But it's also fun, crazy, exciting, challenging, and amazing. I love my life. I love my  husband. I love my family. :)

OH NO!!! I'm NOT a Gemini??? Oh wait, yes I am...

So, Everyone has been all abuzz the past two days about the '13th constellation and how it affects you'. Guess what? IF you are Westerner, it doesn't affect you. Why? because OUR Zodiac isn't actually based on the constellatins. Rather, it's based on seasons. Two equinoxes which are ALWAYS the start of two Zodiac signs. Guess what that means? If you were born as "Gemini" you are still a Gemini, no matter what some CRACK out there says.

Granted, what this guy has said is true. It's been known for a really long time, and IS NOT NEWS!! It's just someone trying to make a name for themself by messing with people's emotions. In fact, I didn't know so many of my friends actually identified so heavily with their sign until yesterday. I've always believed there are certain parts of it that are dead on, but I don't live my life by my horoscope.

The news articles telling everyone that this is nothing new, don't rush out and have your tattoo of the twins removed, aren't being seen. Everyone's too ready to be up in arms and say "I was BORN a Gemini and I'll always be one, no crack pot can tell me what I am." Well, guys, you are half right.

Everyone just chill. Sit back, read the same hororscope you've been reading all your life, and drink your coffee. Shhh. It's okay. We will all live.

Motherhood

As most of you know, I have a lively one year old. She's the light of my life and I LOVE being a Mom. For those of you that have known me for some time, you know this has always been something I knew I wanted from life.

That being said, it is probably the most challenging thing I have ever done in my life. From day one, she did NOT like to sleep in her bassinet/crib/pack-n-play. No, if she wasn't in my arms, it was an immediate scream fest. Well, nowadays, she is learning to sleep in her crib and that has been such a blessing. I was reluctant at first because I love her cuddles at night, and waking up with her in the morning. But being able to cuddle with my husband again has been nothing short of amazing.

She's also teething. She's had 2 teeth for some time, and those were a breeze. Then she had two more cut, and we didn't even KNOW until they were through the gums. At that time, we noticed 3 more trying to cut. That was 3 weeks ago. The first of those three FINALLY cut through all the way today. It's been a long three weeks due to this. I'm glad it's finally coming to an end.

I'm so proud of her and amazed at her more and more every day. Every little thing she does is just amazing to me. I can't get enough of her laughs. She dances and walks and talks. I took her to have her one year check up yesterday and her doctor just seemed AMAZED at her as well.

I'm loving this adventure we are on of being parents. I am so lucky to have this little family. :D

Interesting Thoughts

So, I just looked to see if anyone was even reading this, and you guys ARE. Wow. I'm fairly impressed. I really didn't think anyone would read it. Thank you for showing an interest. If anyone has any topics for me to discuss, feel free to comment and let me know, or send me an email.

I had two couples over for dinner last night, and while one couple had to leave early due to a baby who wasn't back on Hawaii time, the other couple stayed pretty late into the night. We were sitting around talking, discussing politics, religion, etc. I LOVE those types of discussions. One point that was brought forward is that the Bible was originally compiled by Constantine, and that there were books and manuscripts which he said "Nope, doesn't belong." And the fact that yes, God told Man what to write, but does that mean that man put the EXACT wording on paper? Not to mention the NUMEROUS translations over the centuries. But we still have people that swear by the Bible.

I don't attend church. Not because I don't believe in and love God, but because to me, church is where two or more are gathered in His name. After all, isn't that what the Bible tells us? I never read in the Bible that you had to go to a building and worship in a structured manner. We had 'church' on my back patio last night, by the Bible's definition. I love it. I can worship God through my words on paper, whether they are about Him or not, because it is filling my soul to put words on paper (or in text as the case may be) and lay out what I'm thinking and feeling.

I don't want to go deep into my personal beliefs. I am Christian and believe in God and that's all you really need to know. If you want to know more, get in touch. We can have church too. :)

On a side note, today is Elvis, my grandmother, and my uncle's birthdays. Happy Birthday to all of them.

Well, I didn't think to write again so soon, yet I find my mind overflowing. Yesterday while talking with my aunt, I found out that my cousin's apartment building had had a fire. Hers was not damaged and all was fine. This morning however, I find out that the fire restarted and now her apartment is affected. She can save some things, but know one knows how much at this point. Luckily she was at work when this happened, because her boss was letting her get some extra hours. But for the grace of God go I. She could have been home. She could have been asleep in bed. She might not be here this morning. I want to call her boss and thank him or her for letting her stay late, because it likely saved her life.

I also have to give thanks to the friend who gave me the idea to start this blog. Without her, you wouldn't be reading my words (if anyone is anyway).

I guess I could tell you a little about myself, as simply a paragraph seems...sloppy. I am a grown woman. I am married and have a child. I am a sister, daughter, neice, 'aunt', granddaughter, great granddaughter, daughter in law, sister in law, and most importantly, I am not defined by those titles. I am me. I love to laugh at stupid stuff, I love to play with my daughter. I enjoy going for a walk on the beach, though it isn't nearly as romantic as it sounds. I am an animal lover. If I picked one animal, I'd be betraying the others I love. I am a reader of many books. I play WoW. I am fast to love and fast to anger. I hold a grudge, even if I don't act like it. My family is my core. Without them, I wouldn't be here. I mean that literally and figuratively. My sister is my best friend (after my husband). My daughter lights up my life. I love watching her grow and learn everyday. She's just now starting to put words together, and it's absolutely amazing to me. I cannot believe how unbelievably lucky I have been in my life. I have known a great man, and lost him. I may talk about him in a later post, as he means the world to me still. I am no stranger to loss. I first experienced death at 5 years old. I look to the past for memories, to know where I came from and how I got here. I do not live in, nor do I long for, the past. I simply celebrate it, for it is who we were. I love history. I love to learn. Once I learn something, I love to share it with others.

I think I will leave off for now. Thank you for reading.

Good day and God Bless.

Unanswered Prayer

So, I decided to start a blog at long last. This comes after much debate and realizing I didn't really have an outlet for my thoughts that I need. It also comes as I realized I needed to get back to writing. Part of what promted me to finally do this was a coversation with a long lost friend.

If this friend reads this, and knows who they are...know that you have re-inspired me as you did once upon a time. :)

I have come to realize how truly blessed I am. I have seen so many friends lately go through crappy relationships, have heart break a near constant companion, and search in vain for 'the One'. I feel so lucky to have found the person I was meant to be with. He is my best friend, my lover, and father to my child. I could not ask for a better man. Which brings me to my topic.

I have dated several people in my life. I am one who falls in love quickly, easily, and whole-heartedly. I do not believe in holding back in love. One such person who I fell for very quickly, wasn't ready for a relationship. He was still in a party boy stage, and who could have blamed him? A young Marine about to leave for deployment, it's only natural. So, I sat by the phone, and answered his calls and talked to him every minute I could. I waited breathlessly for the day he'd come home to me. I knew there was no certainty we'd be together, but I did hope for it. I wrote him letters, and checked the mail every day in hopes of one from him. When he did come home, he came to see me that night. I took it as a good sign. However, I was foolish. He and I never dated, but remained friends. He taught me a lot in those few months about love, and waiting on something that was worth it. Shortly after he came home, I met the man I now call "Husband". Thanks to that friend, I was prepared to marry a Marine, someone who would be away for long periods of time. Thanks to that friend, I was able to give my heart willingly to this man, knowing all it would mean for me.

After our talk tonight, I went to find those letters he wrote me. He wants to know what's in them. I know. I've always remembered. I read them so many many times that year. I may tell him. I may not. I probably will. They are his words after all. I just wonder if in the end, he will see it like I do. A lonely boy in another country, simply reaching for the comfort he knew he would find from me. Or, if he really felt the things he said. I'll never know. But I know that he saved me in a way that he will never truly know. For that, I thank God for Unanswered Prayers.

Good night and God Bless.